"Dear Resident" letter about our yard.

[EyesWideOpen]

Isha, come up to Cherokee County, we'd love to have you:)

OH, my next door neighbours really did have a commode planter until last month, it cracked and fell apart in the last freeze, lol.

Seriously Isha, your front garden sounds lovely.

[OneMoreTime]

I think you will soon receive an advertisement from a yard maintenance/landscaping company.   

[OutOfStep351]

Fuck em.

I like OH's suggestion.

[AreWeThereYet]

Sounds like you have an HOA commando wannabe without the HOA.
These types are tough to beat..they are relentless in their goal to have the entire neighborhood looking just like THEY want it.

Good luck to you.

[Isha]

I think you will soon receive an advertisement from a yard maintenance/landscaping company.   

Ooo. I didn't even think about that.

I prefer that then wondering if we'll find a horses head impaled on a pair of pruning sheers on our door step next.  

I also like OHs suggestion... I -was- looking to set out some planters and we do have some old tires kicking about along with some salvaged cinder-blocks from a demolition site...  Oh the decorating possibilities! I'll just paint them pretty colours.

I knew I could count on this forum for some amusing perspective on this.

[HungryRaven]

You can have so much fun with it.  You know their beady little eyes will be fixed upon your yard every time they drive by.  They think about your yard and spent quite a while bitching to their spouse about the unkempt jungle they see before they finally got annoyed enough to write a letter.

 Having spent much time dealing with nice, annoying, picky, complaining and easygoing people let me tell you what this persons situation is.  There is a high percentage chance it is female and not working by choice because the husband is bringing in all the dough or they are retired.  The kids are either raised and gone or at daycare and school all day and she simply does not have much to do except order pizza and drive the kids to their after school events or find things to bitch about.   She needs problems and situations to have.  She thinks she is extremely busy and will tell people that.  She will also tell people about how nice or clean or good this and that is in her life.  If it is male he is unusually annoying and absorbed by triviality and you will recognize him easily if he dares speak to you. 

Anyway clearly you need to trim the bushes.  Do that with precision and geometric regularity that will thrill this annoyance.  Then continue your inspired improvement of your front yard by following some of the previous suggestions.  The junk car is great but I would vote for junk boat with flat trailer tires and empty beer bottles spilling out the back.  Have one or more flags of whatever polictical or nationality allegiance you want to wave about.   Have a scraggly vegetable garden and then if allowed now is the chance for you to take your  next step to preparing for the coming food shortage by getting your chickens, rabbits and goats.  In the front  yard of course.   If you have a big enough yard get a beehive.  They will be an impressive presence certain times of the day for about 20 feet about.  I'm sure you have plenty of ideas of what to do.  Can you post photos?   

[zenobia]

Was the note mailed to you or stuck in the mailbox?

If it was stuck in the mailbox, complain to the Post Office - I think it is illegal to use a mailbox (even the one at your house) for anything other than US Mail! 

I think it is some busybody with nothing better to do - some old or middle aged guy - like that HOA commando AWTY mentioned!

If someone sent me a letter like that I'd be ramping up the gardening by adding MORE stuff!  LOLOL!

I might even put a sign in the front year (obeying signage regulations, of course) calling it your Nature Preserve!

[badgoat]

I have a friend who has a yard fenced by a professionally installed wooden fence. One of his neighbors openly objected to the noise levels which come from his house, which then escalated into complaints about everything else possible.. Grass too long, fence not stained, mailbox too far from road, etc.

So we went to Home Depot and bought 4 of the most obnoxious neon paint colors we could find, and we painted the side of the fence that faced the neighbor's house. The couple stood in the back door, horrified, watching us for hours as we alternated the colors on each board, giving their rear view a very colorful, LifeSavers-like feel.

He told me that the next day they came over and gave a sincere apology. It's an approach I wouldn't personally take, I prefer the more direct method. But it was quite fun.

Know what I'd do? Eliminate the neighbors who you are absolutely certain would not author the note.. And for the rest, go door to door to "organize a bake sale". Make sure to identify yourself as the person who lives in the house with the very lush, green, beautifully natural yard. Pay close attention to the faces of the people, as surely one who is passive aggressive enough to write that to you cannot hide their distaste. Make note of who you believe it may be, and write your own letter. Perhaps explaining your love for a natural look to your property and inviting them to set aside their unworldly views and come to see your piece of gaia from a closer view.

Or if you don't have the patience for being nice to someone who harbors ill feelings for you, plant some fast-growing bamboo in your front yard and propagate the shoots to your neighbors in the night, behind their bushes and under their trees, so that they go unnoticed until they are well established.

[OutOfStep351]

People like that are part of the reason I want to live far, far away from suburbia. I can't believe they think that sort of passive aggressive behavior is going to work. When you're on the freeway and you tailgate the car in front of you because they're not going fast enough, what happens? They slow down.

[kathyprepper]

I appreciate the humor but folks like this scare me. They are the ones who turn their neighbors in to the Nazis. The lower profile you keep the better as long as you need to live there. Then get out and stay as far from the clueless as possible

[EyesWideOpen]

'Zacto, KathyPrepper, and why I live where I do.

Isha, a flock of plastic pink flamingos would really dress it up, or maybe some dollar store gnomes!

[OutOfStep351]

The possibilities are, indeed, endless.

[AnIowan]

Maybe when you do find out who the neighborhood viper is...... you could take action............ i know kerosene mixed with citronella oil kills grass beautifully... you could draw love hearts on neatly manicured lawns and they will stay dead in that shape for 2 years.

Don't ask me how i know this.

First, this made me 

Second, I'm all for any kind of lawn art you can come up with:

- toilets as flower holders.

- various shapes and designs cut into your bushes.

- any number of things can be done with dead or dying vehicles.

But my favorite (saw this numerous times while living in Missouri)

The bathtub, usually cast iron, on buried stand up and down, with the Virgin Mary inside of it.

If that doesn't say quality lawn art, I don't know what does....

[OutOfStep351]

Back when I rented a house, we had a bitchy neighbor. Total ass, hated anyone who lived in the house because she owned 3 on both sides of it and wanted to level it and build an apartment building, but the owners wouldn't sell. She called the cops whenever she saw people over, and even pulled the license plate tabs off my car and then called it in to the cops.

So one night we killed all of her plants with bleach and ceded her whole backyard flower garden with road salt. Sounds harsh, I know, but if you met this woman, you'd understand.

We also taped a fish in the wheel well of her car. Wonder if she ever figured out where the smell was coming from?

[wordnerd]

I've mentioned this before... but I "used" to have a neighbor like that. I have since moved
But she reported me to animal protection because she said I left my dogs out side without any water
She was correct
There was no water bowl outside... BECAUSE I had a dog door and they had two bowls of clean COLD water inside... and air conditioning... and they slept in my bed under a ceiling fan all day
The animal control person thought that was good enough and was upset with the lady for wasting his time.
The thing is, my house was on a hill... so she would have had to  climb up my hill and come into my back yard to see that I didn't have a water bowl outside. She just didn't see the dog door on the back deck. Fenced in yard too, by the way.

She also reported people for having a boat in the back yard.. and numerous other things... she was the local subdivision police I guess. There will always be people like that I guess. And a lot of that was she said she was a good christian lady doing her job.