The role of men in families, and well pumps

[peter31]

Good afternoon all

I was reminded of the disappearing role of men recently when my wife found me looking - just looking, mind you, not fiddling - at the water system in our basement. 

I was brought up in England using town water, and the water system there is dead simple - it comes at high pressure from the town, it goes up to a tank in the roof space and then feeds down through the house by gravity at lower pressure.

A Canadian well water system, which we have, is an entirely different animal.  It is pumped up from the well, it goes into the basement because otherwise it would freeze solid in winter, and there are numerous gizmos plumbed into the line including a pressure tank, pressure sensors and relays to control the submerged pump down the well, filters to get rid of minerals, a UV light to get rid of bacteria, and a water softener, all of which would stop working if the electric power went off.

And I was looking at all this stuff and thinking, "I should at least try to understand how this lot works in case we have a SHTF situation, there is no electricity, no water, no outside help and I have to do something to help myself".  And my wife says "don't touch that" (I wasn't), "you don't know what you're doing" (true, but I was trying to rectify that), "if there's a problem with it just call Tim the plumber and get him to fix it."  Which is probably a very typical view nowadays.  But it kind of calls into question the role of men in modern society, because once upon a time the man of the house was supposed to take care of all that, but now we are just expected to pick up the phone and call the "experts".  Does anyone else have the same problem?

[kopperhead]

hi there.

one problem i had with my last husband  was this...he did not want to take care of any problem.   deer in headlight look "i dunno..just call somebody."never ever LOOK at it.  my father would at least try to look at it and figure it out. if he couldn't get a grip on it, then he may ask somebody else, or pick up a book.  he called somebody as a last resort.    so, yeah....and it gets old. like fast.  i wanna see gumption. 

[pamela]

totally agree with kopper on this. My husband, who I adore, is not a fix-it kind of guy although he has been giving more effort to learning new skills. He is however a computer person so that makes up for it as far as I'm concerned.
I am the painter, carpenter, gardener, cook, etc... and yes, I would love it if he did more of those things and we could work together on it.
You go ahead and figure out your well system. Tell your wife to hush, you're doing manstuff! LOL
or, ask her to work with you to learn to understand what is actually a life or death matter. Your water supply.

[wiccawench]

ahh Peter i can sympathise.

On one hand the solution we chose for that situation (we are in the fingerlakes and an little less than an hour south of lake Ontario)
was to buy a fuel powered genny and plug it into the house wiring via the shed setup......

just to power the basics like water and freezers.

As far as 'just call the experts mentality" that is one of the real issues with modern society ..... that maintaining one's personal family life has been farmed out to specialists.

I am a Jill of all trades. I can even manage basic wiring......

Actually i was brought up until i was 8 in England too with a dad who had no sons so i had the advantage to learn at his side...... being the eldest girl.

I loved it actually. I can suggest as a temporary measure getting an alternative power source...... and as a long term measure getting a hand pump..... depends tho on the depth of your well. There are many threads here on latoc about wells etc,

don't blame your wife tho...... she is just doing what her experience and upbringing is telling her..... maybe suggest it is time to know the basics and become ONE with the plumber...... ie sure get one in..... but tap into his own knowledge...and take your wife along for the ride as Pamela suggests. it is a good idea.

 

[peter31]

I can suggest as a temporary measure getting an alternative power source...... and as a long term measure getting a hand pump..... depends tho on the depth of your well. There are many threads here on latoc about wells etc,

Interestingly, I already tried both of those to some extent.  I have talked to my wife several times about a backup generator, but her view is that it would be a waste of money, the power has never gone off for a long period before, so it's not likely to do that in the future, QED.  I also spoke to the last plumber who came to the house about a hand operated well pump, but alas, he was not a doomer plumber, and just muttered something about "they're not to code, very difficult to install those, nobody uses those nowadays" and generally didn't seem interested.

[Emeline]

hehe Peter, I was just thinking a few days ago how in our family for several generations now it was just ASSUMED the men could fix anything.    Something needed fixing - any man could fix it.  Didn't matter what it was.  They could turn their hand to anything.

I think it was because of that old saying, "necessity is the mother of invention".  My great-grandfather arrived in NZ in 1858 and found himself literally in the middle of a swamp.  That was the "farm" he had bought.  There was no one else around to help.  It was either sink or swim. 

I think country people, especially in more remote rural locations, most particularly so when they were from pioneering families knew they had to do pretty much everything themselves and for the most part they had to repair everything themselves.  They really were "jacks of all trades".

My father who is now 77 and my late mother were (and in my father's case still is) very much into that mentality.  I remember as a child or teenager when they seemed to be having problems fixing something saying, "maybe we should call a plumber" or a vet or whatever.  They'd look at me in truly shocked disbelief!  Pay someone when we could do it ourselves.   You must be kidding!

My mother used to play around fixing electrical appliances all her life.  Sometimes I would say, "You shouldn't play with electricity.  We should call an electrician".  Hahaha she'd snort - and she always managed to fix most everything.

My father can turn his hand to most anything.  Sometimes I think I should be watching him more closely because he hasn't passed all that knowledge onto me - I've instead just assumed he would fix some things because - well, he can!  From what I can see his generation is amongst the last of the "jack of all trades". 

As for the pump - one time I lived on a farm where I had to prime the darned pump about 4 times a day and basically try and "charm it". On the odd occasion that didn't work, I called of course - my father! 

In our family I call myself the "living things" person.  If it's animal or vegetable I can pretty much do anything with it.  Of course I can do stuff like erect fencing, painting, wallpapering, preserving, some carpentry, that kind of thing - it was just natural in our family to learn all those kinds of skills without even thinking about them.

But things mechanical.  Nah, that was considered "man's work".   

And since I hate things mechanical.....I'm playin' along with it.

[golddust]

totally agree with kopper on this. My husband, who I adore, is not a fix-it kind of guy although he has been giving more effort to learning new skills. He is however a computer person so that makes up for it as far as I'm concerned.
I am the painter, carpenter, gardener, cook, etc... and yes, I would love it if he did more of those things and we could work together on it.
You go ahead and figure out your well system. Tell your wife to hush, you're doing manstuff! LOL
or, ask her to work with you to learn to understand what is actually a life or death matter. Your water supply.

That's me. Husband can fix anything to do with computers, can even do a bit of wiring, but I do the rest.

[pamplemousse]

Alas, I am with Peter's wife on this one.
 
Mr. Mousse has has many talents, but they do not include:
pruning ornamentals to anything above ankle height
replacing stove burners without melting the house's circuit breaker
building with 2X4's, 4X4's, etc. unless you are comfortable with "sway"
concrete work completed before the sack of mix hardens in the rain
electrical lights and outlets without arcing

Having been the recipient of some unfortunate inconveniences and repair-the-repair expenses, the spouse is mostly grounded from these endeavors.  It is cheaper and quicker to call out for help and write the damn check.  I hoped that our children would grow up to be electricians, plumbers, auto mechanics, but they are just not genetically fit and there's no way their useless parents have the skills to pass on.

[mtlouie]

Let me tell you about a gal I used to work with:

She had a worthless husband and six kids.  They  had squat.  Someone gave them an old trailer to live in.  Moved it to the lot, and that was it.  The husband wouldn't move his ass to do anything.  She had two kids in diapers, an infant and a toddler.

SHE hooked up the sewer, insulated and skirted it, and then found out the whole electric system was shot.  SHE got a new breaker box and installed it.

By the time I knew her, she was a grandmother, but that woman could do absolutely anything.  She said she had been raised to believe men did all that kind of stuff, and found out the hard way, they all DON'T.  It was up to her to save her and her kids' lives.

She came over to my house when I got divorced and changed all the locks on my house....because, of course, I didn't think I could do that kind of stuff.  I don't think that anymore.   

[forager]

That reminds me. Gotta talk my brother in law into putting a hand pump well in the basement of the brick farmhouse he just bought.  A buddy of mine has that setup in a cold climate situation. Could come in very handy for a number of reasons: a prolonged firefight/siege, won't freeze up without heat, not dependent on power, water in the improvised fallout shelter.... And yes, we'll put it in ourselves. Thats the way he rolls. I'll be doing all kinds of work on that house this winter; framing, plaster, painting, finish carpentry, hooking up the wood heating source...

[Bruce]

Hell, I can do most anything. I wired this house I live in and did most of the plumbing as well. I can do carpentry, yard work and gardening. I can do mechanical work as well but would rather have my arm cut off..................................Bruce

[peter31]

OK.  Here is my compromise solution which should satisfy the "itchy screwdriver" brigade and the "hands off" brigade.  I will do an audit of my water system.  Without unscrewing, disconnecting or fiddling with anything, I will examine all the gizmos attached to my water system and make a list of all their make and model numbers, who made them, who installed and/or serviced them.    Then I will get copies of the operating and service manuals for all of them.  I might have some of them already, left by the previous home owners, if I haven't got them I will try to download them from the internet, and if I can't do that I will phone the manufacturers and ask them to send them to me.  Then I will read aforesaid manuals to find out how the stuff works.  When I have done all that, I should be about as ready as I am ever going to be for a SHTF situation. 

[loner]

My wife loves the fact that I can and will fix just about anything around the house. To me it's a learning experience, a couple of years ago we needed a new water heater, I had never installed a water heater before, but thanks to the internet and books I installed it myself and saved hundreds of dollars, it only took me about 4 hours start to finish and I now feel confident enough doing it that I will probably never have to have anyone install one for me. I figure worse case scenario I have to call someone to bail me out. But I'll never learn if I don't try.

So, yes , I believe it is a mans role to fix things around the house.

[zenobia]

I love my husband, but he can't fix shit.  On the other hand, he is an expert marksman and has a lot of "interesting" shooting experience.  He's also a great cook.  He says he's going to cook and clean when he retires so I can concentrate on the gardens, house/barn, and animals.  Good man!

[the Black Hunter]

Here's the other side of the coin: I bought a cheap little cottage in a semi remote Canadian town one year.  Soon, the water ran dry.  A friend in a distant town was a water well specialist.  He gave me the wrong diagnosis and an exorbitant estimate.

I pulled the pipe up myself, replaced the point on the end, which had become clogged with sediment.  Rammed it back down the hole and had water.  A couple years later the well went dry, and the point change didn't work, and we (a neighbor and I) dug a new well adjacent with a hand-auger.  Voila, water again.  Gaining that level of personal sufficiency was well worth the sweat equity.  Not having to call a specialist is an incredible freedom gained.

Since that experience, I have never been comfortable with any system - heating, cooling, water - that requires a specialist.  Simplicity is resiliency.  If you have a well, look into hand-pumps.  If you have gas heat, look into a stove that burns a local fuel source.  Etc. 

This stuff can be learned, but it's time to get cracking!