Buying Presents for Holiday Season

[Old_Grey_Mare]

When my daughters were about 1 and 3, I had a friend that traced their little hand and cut it out  of felt and wrote their names and the date on it and put a little yarn hanger on it for a Christmas tree ornament. My daughters and I have enjoyed those so much over the years. That was a very special present that didn't cost much but we sure have enjoyed them.

[rocketgirl]

The favorite family tree ornaments for my kids (now teens) are the ones that include photos of them as infants and throughout elementary school.  They get a kick out of them every year.  Also a stuffed plush snowman from when my hubby and I were married 23 yrs ago that has a battery operated greeting that says "happy holidays" only now it's down to a barely recognizable garbled hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy hhhhhhoooooooooooiiiiiyyyyyssssssss
We all get a laugh out of it each year when we push the button to see if it's still goin.

[Macs UK]

This thread reminds me of exactly why I hate Xmas....

9 times out of 10 people 'give' you stuff in the expectation of more stuff in return....  and in my case totally ignoring the salient fact that I  HATE 'STUFF'.

For my nearest and dearest I resort to a 'threefold rule' - ie I give three presents: one that is consumable (usually a favourite food or drink), one that raises a laugh, and one that is practical. If I go beyond that, then it is something that speaks to our relationship for the past twelve months.

Everyone else gets a card 

But my most recent ex (as opposed to my long-term ex... yeah, long story....  ) had a truly beautiful knack with hand-made gifts and wrappings that made the love shine out way above the gift itself. All folks really want is to know that someone cares, that is priceless.

[Purloined]

"'nuts' do turn out in the end to be the seed for greater change"

What a lovely phrase!  I do hope my own parents feel this way with time.

[rbrgs]

Ches,

We've got to go through the hunting all the pheasants stage first, before we get back to buying peasants.....

[rocketgirl]

"'nuts' do turn out in the end to be the seed for greater change"

What a lovely phrase!  I do hope my own parents feel this way with time.

I do too but I'll tell you now, they're fucking idiots for not seeing it sooner!  Plain and simple, good luck Purloined  

[defshepard]

Please Advise:

I have been actively telling people (family, friends) not to purchase anything for Christmas for me.  I truly fo not need anything, and I want to have the least amount of responsibility possible for the continuation of the consumerist nightmare in which we currently find ourselves. 

Do you think people consider this to be "extremist" thinking?  I really don't care what people think...I'm trying to get them to question the assumptions they have about the reasons why they purchase things.

No, you are very correct to get people to question the reasons why we have to go out and purchase so many gifts and things at this time of the year. Me and my brother had a long discussion about this mentality. And we both agreed it is hard to break because it has been so deeply ingrained inside of of us by the cultrue we live in. I have been asking my family to not buy me anything for some years now and it takes a lot of pressure off of all of us. We simply send cards and a little money. For me and my family it works out very well.

[kmaine2]

Please Advise:

I have been actively telling people (family, friends) not to purchase anything for Christmas for me.  I truly fo not need anything, and I want to have the least amount of responsibility possible for the continuation of the consumerist nightmare in which we currently find ourselves. 

Do you think people consider this to be "extremist" thinking?  I really don't care what people think...I'm trying to get them to question the assumptions they have about the reasons why they purchase things.

No, you are very correct to get people to question the reasons why we have to go out and purchase so many gifts and things at this time of the year. Me and my brother had a long discussion about this mentality. And we both agreed it is hard to break because it has been so deeply ingrained inside of of us by the cultrue we live in. I have been asking my family to not buy me anything for some years now and it takes a lot of pressure off of all of us. We simply send cards and a little money. For me and my family it works out very well.

I guess I would like to think about the holidays in terms of the cycle of the year.  I have just finished up gardening and canning for the year. Before the long hibernation of January and February I would like to celebrate the returning of the light. Gather with friends for good food and spirits.  Central Maine in winter can be beautiful but isolating in winter. So This merriment I seek, I think harkens back to a more traditional approach to the season.  Gifts will be simple, handmade and from my labors of the year.

I could be very cynical about the season, or get totally wrapped up in the hoopla. I've decided instead to celebrate our time together as a family instead. We are separated during the week ,for employment reasons, at the moment and it is what our family really needs this year.

[rocketgirl]

As a kid Christmas was always something to look forward to, it was magical and now that I'm grown and have kids of my own we've always made Christmas magical for them as well.  I think the spirit of Christmas is going to be exactly what you make of it.  I know tragedy happens, my brother is dying of brain cancer right now, but I believe that will make this Christmas even more special and next Christmas he is expected not to be with us but we'll cry and laugh and know that he's there with us in spirit and it won't make Christmas any less special.  It really is just what you make it out to be.  I believe.  (BTW, I grew up very poor and poor for the first half of raising my kids so it has nothing to do with having money)


@ Cabacaba, I'm guessing you stopped reading this thread but I just have to say one more thing about playing favorites with your kids and grandkids and calling some of them "losers" etc.  In my family I was the middle of 8 kids.  I never gave my parents any trouble and I was eager to please and be The Good Kid so I was their "favorite" and you'd think that would make sense, especially sense my older siblings grew to be drug addicts, stole from the rest of the family, etc.  Well I'm here to tell you that I resent being played the favorite!  Now that I have kids of my own I can't imagine the absolute heartache a person feels when a parent shows favoritism to any family member, seriously, it's like you've given up on the rest of them and their not done growing and learning and changing and you, Cabacaba, have absolutely no idea the volume of resentment and negative energy coming your way as a result of you playing "favorites" and thinking any of your adult kids are "losers".  I know they talk behind your back about it amongst each other and I know that in the end, if your "favorites" gain an ounce of compassion as human beings, that they will see how wrong you have been to chose them as "favorites" and they'll lose respect for you because of it and what you're doing sets the "favorites" apart from the "losers" and causes a divide that can and will take generations to heal.  I would encourage you to be hopeful for the "losers" and do not measure their worth on what they do for you, do not be that egocentric to the point that you give up on the "losers", not while you're still alive, not while you have resources to share.  Do your best, while you're still living, to have some tender moments with the "losers" and share your dissapointments but also share your hopes.  My dad died of cancer and he didn't have those tender moments with his adult kids that they desperately needed because he thought "he could beat the cancer" so the opportunities were missed.  What I'm saying is universal truth, what you're doing is damaging and unfortunately if you don't change it then the work will be left for the future generations to unwind your selfish pain. 

I chose not to PM this because what I said earlier has already been encouraging to another member on this thread so this too will be open for viewing.

[culinarius]

Though I know this is not always the case, I've often seen where a parent's least favorite child is the one most like themselves; and their favorite child is the weakest link--the one who most needs nurturing and direction.  Myself, I find that the people I gravitate towards are the "wayward child" types.  They compliment me in that they have lots of "street smarts" and I respect that.  (They're fun!)

[Ming]

Rocketgirl - I'm a middle child too.  I was in the middle of 7 (3 older, 3 younger). 

My husband and I as young parents many years ago were mentored kindof by this loving older couple.  We learned many things from them especially on raising a family mostly by their example.  One of the things we were taught was every time you voice a negative statement towards your child -- you are actually cursing them.  Call them lazy and they will become lazy, call them stupid and they will live up to that remark.  If you child acts badly, you can tell them they behaved badly but not that they are bad.

It was the best thing we could have ever learned. 

[rocketgirl]

Rocketgirl - I'm a middle child too.  I was in the middle of 7 (3 older, 3 younger). 

My husband and I as young parents many years ago were mentored kindof by this loving older couple.  We learned many things from them especially on raising a family mostly by their example.  One of the things we were taught was every time you voice a negative statement towards your child -- you are actually cursing them.  Call them lazy and they will become lazy, call them stupid and they will live up to that remark.  If you child acts badly, you can tell them they behaved badly but not that they are bad.

It was the best thing we could have ever learned. 

That is the universal truth Ming and of course, I couldn't agree more.

[Grower]

We were strict with our daughter, but never ever mean. There's no excuse for that.

[MEA]

Somedays I think my name is mean mummy -- but I tell myself that's how I know I'm doing my job right.

Speaking of doing the job right, I got a call at 1:15 -- did I know it was a 1/2 day at school. I'd forgotten (no that's not the bit where I did the job right.) I met my dad at the school. He'd gotten a phone call: This is "dd the younger." I am at school. Mummy did not get me. You come get me. And she hung up. Apparently no one told her that parents were being called. Sitting in the office, thinking she'd be there forever, she asked the other children if anyone had a cell phone, took an offered one, and called for help.

(You have to understand, this is a child who seems to have no clue how the world opperates. I knew she'd memorized my parents phone number because she collects phone numbers in her head, but I had no idea that she'd put together the fact she could make a call, explain the situtation and come up with a solution.) I am so proud of her, and for one, think that maybe she had a chance in a PO world after I'm gone.

Best Christmas present I could ask for.