Even Bunnies Get the Blues

[DoomNymph]

Today started like any other day.  I got up at 5, made the coffee, and as the house began to fill with the aroma of French roast, I settled in front of the computer.  I checked email and found nothing of interest, then began to surf my usual haunts.  As I clicked from site to site, I found myself not paying attention as if I was merely going through the motions of my normal routine.  I just didn’t care.

The house was quiet, but my thoughts were not.  A deep sadness gripped me, held on tight, and threatened not to let go.  I tried to push it away.  I thought about how everything was going well in my day to day life.  Still, it held.  I stared out the window at the early morning light and its promise of a beautiful day.  Still, it held.  I tried thinking about any number of things that usually bring me comfort.  Still, it held, unrelenting.

Finally, as if I were trying the last key to open the lock, I thought of my son. 

The melancholy gripped even tighter, so much so that I found it hard to breathe, and, with my last gasp, I began to sob so deeply it was if a thousand years of sorrow came pouring out of me.

I miss him, that’s true.  He is the light and love of my life.  I grieve not because he is a young man of 29 living his life half a country away, I grieve for his future.  I grieve because I cannot protect him from what is to come.  I grieve because a soul as good and pure as he is deserves a better life.

I am completely spent.  The battle has been won, but not by me.

[mtlouie]

Oh, DoomNymph!  First BIG HUGS!!!!

I feel like this sometimes.  It breaks my heart.  But we have to keep plodding along.  We can't give up until it's over.

Look at the trajectory:  Since the Magna Carta, the common man has been taking two steps forward and one back, always fighting TPTB.  But we've still moved forward. 

They've dogged us every step of the way, coming up with ever new pieces of shit to try to entertain us and keep us away from a changed world.  I absolutely WILL NOT stop working toward that changed world until it's obvious it's completely over.

We might lose.  But then again, WE MIGHT NOT!!!!

Keep loving your neighbor as yourself.  Keep passing out LOVE, to other humans, to the animal kingdom, to mother earth and all its growing things, and maybe, just maybe, we'll defeat those fuckers yet!

"So, when the prophecy says that I'll have 'power that the Dark Lord knows not,'  it just means - love?" asked Harry.

"Yes - just love," said Dumbledore.


        

[pamela]

Oh DoomNymph, love and hugs to you my friend.
your post makes me cry and remember going through that very thing when my girls moved so damned far away.
I do that on occasion now when I think of my little grandson.

we all love our little bunny of doom here.

[wiccawench]

 

we all get like that sometimes. Trust me. It hit me hard when i came back to Australia.... the overwhelming sense of sadness.

It will shake off. Sometimes i believe it is an important element of being HUMAN.

To be able to FEEL.

There is a flipside to the sadness. It is called Love.

Remember that. You are well loved.

[DoomNymph]

You guys are the best.

I can barely see the keyboard 'cause I'm still crying.

    

[speaksoftly]

Aw, Bunny, I hope you feel better soon.

[gnosis]

DoomNymph, I hope you feel better soon. As you know, I was hit hard with some bad feelings recently, and you all were there for me.

Everything will be okay.

I too live far from home, and it's hard, but your kid will make it just like the rest of us.

[Spiderman23]

Desiderata - Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Hope this helps.

[Six Gun Jim]

Sad little bunny I know how that is. I used to feel like that a lot of days and I drank A LOT to try and numb it out. But there is too much beauty for such sadness, beauty everywhere. So many things that might be just fine, people who might have long and happy lives yet. Different lives, but perhaps alright just the same. You have a big heart bunny, a big heart is like a sponge that soaks up the bad in the world and every now and again you have to wring it out. So you wrung it out a little, no problem, everybody does that. Now look around you at all that we don't know and remember that we are not in control. Say it with me, we are not in control. I say that every morning one time, and I forgive myself for the stupid things I do too. It's my way of letting go and admitting that I have no idea what this life is about and I never will. Maybe the future is none of what we assume. Maybe death is none of what we assume. What do we know? Nothing. So relax and don't be sad, we really don't understand enough to say what is good or bad and either way we can't control it. Here's something for you bunny, a little cheer in a strange world. Much luv, you are an awesome person. -James

[zenobia]

DN -

Big hugs from one mom to another...  XOXOXOXOXOX

[DoomNymph]

I came back to tell you all that I raided the SD's Halloween chocolate and I feel a little better, but, in reading your responses, you all have me crying again.  Not because of sadness, but because of all the love.

I love you all.

 

[urbanfarmer]

My heart and hugs to you gentle sister! I have no lofty words to share, but I know your sadness. I too, have a 29 year old son, and he moved to Brazil six months ago, planning never to come back to the US. I spent some time yesterday thinking of what doom might befall him, and then I remembered how much I hate it when my mother does that to me! So I just smiled and opened my hands and once again freed him to hands more capable than mine.

[Madnsassy]

Doomnymph, I don't have children but I, too, sometimes fall into a state of melancholy when thinking about all the children of the world and what might lie ahead for them.  What wonderful words of wisdom here by others, words that I cannot embellish because those words just written are all perfect.  Sometimes it is really good to have a deep, hard cry.  It's cleansing to the body and the soul.  I hope you are now feeling a bit lighter?

Oh, and Spiderman, thank you so much for Desiderata.  I haven't read that in a very long time.  I love it, and I think it says it all.

  to the bunny and all LATOCers who have children far away; you are someone's child as well.

[mtlouie]

James-  What a lovely little photograph.

Spiderman-  Beautiful.

[gnosis]

My heart and hugs to you gentle sister! I have no lofty words to share, but I know your sadness. I too, have a 29 year old son, and he moved to Brazil six months ago, planning never to come back to the US. I spent some time yesterday thinking of what doom might befall him, and then I remembered how much I hate it when my mother does that to me! So I just smiled and opened my hands and once again freed him to hands more capable than mine.

I read all of your posts and I think about my mom and what she thought when I did that exact same thing.