Identity Transitions Anyone?

[cobaltblue]

"Who is This Flower Above My Head?
What is the Work of this God?
I would know myself in all my parts"
Huna/Feri Flower Prayer

Because I want to know myself "in all my parts," I'm experiencing a bit of an identity crisis, and all of this LATOC/Transition/Long Emergency stuff is a part of it.  The I.D. Crisis started many years ago, and I won't get into the particulars of the history of it.  Suffice it to say that I'm feeling a bit confused about WTF I am (the 'w' here being who r/t what). 

Today I actually wondered if I am a useless eater.  I know in some respects that's not true.  One thing I have to offer to others may not seem like much of a gift, but I seem to know how to surrender to what is.  To understand life on life's terms, r/t my own.  In fact, my confusion stems from not knowing what terms are appropriate to myself during these increasingly difficult and unhinged and unraveling times. 

Over the weekend at a Samhain retreat, I felt an overwhelming sense of insecurity wash over me.  One of the things we were asked to contemplate is what makes our hearts sing.  Even a couple of years ago I would say playwriting and communing with divine energies.  There are elements that are coming together in surprising ways, but all I feel is this raw hollowness at the moment.  Sadly, the image that came to me about my heart singing today was of a tombstone with my name on it, sitting atop a lovely hill in a forest, with a grand overlook of a valley to the east.

So who I was before the awareness of all these crises/opportunities has pretty much passed away, but I'm in a painful hallway of transformation into ... who I'm becoming, and I have no clue as to who this fellow will be. 

Just curious if anyone else is going through/has gone through something similar.  In the meantime, I'm resenting the hell out of the 9-to-5 and feeling guilty about it.

[cygnus]

I think we have all, to some extent, had the rug pulled out from under us during this past two or three years.  That alone can cause people to re-evaluate who they are and what they want from life, because we all base at least some of our personal identity on the culture we live in, and on our place in society.  To find out that much of it is based upon a lie, and upon fraud... well, it's a wonder more of us aren't undergoing some sort of identity crisis. 

As for resenting the 9-5, I hear ya.  But in my case, it may just be me getting older and more tired, and not entirely looking forward to a wholesale reorganization of my life in the not too far distant future. 

[spacecase0]

I have an identity crisis that has been happening to me for most of my life,
for the most part I am ok with never knowing who I am,
but it did take years to get to that point.

at some point, I stopped caring who I was and just started living life.

[kathleen]

I identify with what you are going through. I feel weary from straddling the everyday world and the world of collapse that I am all too aware of. This duality is very painful to me. I'm 40 so I'm not old and I'm not young. I'm not a believer in the system as it stands, but I still am employed and survive by from the infrastructure that is in place. I am in two worlds on so many levels and I have no idea how to make a transition. When you said that you questioned being a useless eater. I cringed because I have dark thoughts like that. I can't accept that notion for my children, however, so I try to believe there is more to this. I suppose our lives aren't too harsh yet if we are occupied with this angst.

[spacecase0]

the phrase "useless eater" was made up by evil people that are trying to call some people better than others.
don't let them trick you into joining an "anti human cult".

[madison]

We are living eternal spirits incarnate for a time.  We are here to learn and experience.  

What car you drive, what jobs you work at, what country you live in, how you dress - all this is nothing.  It is not who you are.  It's window dressing.  You cannot possibly be defined by such mundane things.  Yet this is what empire tells us, and tells us we are wrong if we dare question otherwise.  If you are having an identity crisis, you are challenging what the status quo tells you.  When you define yourself by what you have, what you have done, what you do and where you are, even what you look like, it's always possible to have that identity yanked away just by eliminating or changing those circumstances.  You are more than a body or experiences or thoughts.

We are spirits having a human experience.  We weave in and out of flesh, coming and going, but always existing.  We cannot truly die, only our bodies can die and wear out.  It's like driving a car - you get in, drive, the new car smell goes away, the car acquires miles and wear and tear, it costs more and more to repair it and one day it doesn't start up.  Then we get out and walk away  

Distasteful to have to resort to using a car as a metaphore, lol, on a peak oil and resource depletion website, but there you go!

I believe most of us chose to be here during this time to experience this transition.  You have chosen to be here for a reason (or had it chosen for you for a reason).  You will learn what you are supposed to learn.  But "who are you" is a good question to ask.

Read Carolyn Baker's book, "Sacred Demise", that might help you clarify your thoughts.  It addresses those questions that you are asking. 

[kathleen]

the phrase "useless eater" was made up by evil people that are trying to call some people better than others.
don't let them trick you into joining an "anti human cult".

Oh, I agree. That is a horrible term, but I will reserve it to describe Henry Kissinger. I just meant that sometimes dark thoughts come and things seem to be without grace/love/purpose, that's all.

[mtlouie]

You want to fuck with their minds?  EMBRACE the label "useless eater."

We are all USELESS EATERS!!!  And proud of it!!!

Anytime they want to pin some stupid label on us proles we need to hug it to our chests and love the devil out of it. 

It only has power when we LET it have power.

[kathleen]

You want to fuck with their minds?  EMBRACE the label "useless eater."

We are all USELESS EATERS!!!  And proud of it!!!

Anytime they want to pin some stupid label on us proles we need to hug it to our chests and love the devil out of it. 

It only has power when we LET it have power.

ha! I like that; it inspired me to change my sig. line

[mtlouie]

 

[PseudoPhil]

I've noticed the sig lines just keep getting better. Keep it up, Ladies!!!

[Mezzanine]

I was thinking about this just yesterday. I've no idea who I am. I'm not sure it even matters.

Identities are just preconceptions and prejudices, are they not? How do you identify others, and by what criteria?

Heavy stuff.

*sips tea*

[amfortas]

Be happy with yourself...unless you're a serial killer, or something.
I find that I'm lucky to have accidentally been cool with Me for as long as I can remember.
The stuff, above, about being here to gain Experience, is on the $$$.
Read some Kerouac, have a drink, and chill.
You can look far and wide, but Home/Heaven is inside you.

[mtlouie]

Be happy with yourself...unless you're a serial killer, or something.
I find that I'm lucky to have accidentally been cool with Me for as long as I can remember.
The stuff, above, about being here to gain Experience, is on the $$$.
Read some Kerouac, have a drink, and chill.
You can look far and wide, but Home/Heaven is inside you.

Love ya, am!  That's the truth.  You're lucky to have figured it out young.  It took me awhile. 

"Have I not said, 'Ye are gods,'?"

[cobaltblue]

Good to hear all the responses.  "Useless Eater and Proud!" I can see a t-shirt, the language perhaps silk-screened over a plate of meat and potatoes.

I realize that this is a part of the process.  I have actually read Carolyn Baker's book.  It's wonderful.  I'm looking forward to Carl Calleman's "The Purposeful Universe" as well.  Truth be told, I feel like I could be chomping at the bit to get down to it and start to move toward starting a Transition Initiatve in Troy, if I didn't have this albatross of a thus-far decent-paying cushy job to hold me down. 

What is the work, the joy, the pleasure and the wholeness of this God?  Indeed.