Personal Drama - any thoughts?

[gin]

Then she said, "Oh, have you rung my employer?" as if she was shocked.

that statement sounds one of manipualtion.. with intent to make you feel you did something inappropriate..
end all contact.. period.. she might be a sociopath in that it's only about her..
so calling her employer is continued indirect involvement with her.. don't call..

she probably had a grin on her face while driving her car home.. you were in deep enough.. be glad to be out.

[ashmeadskernel]

Well, she's a greedy person who cares about having nice sheets that she didn't have to pay for, who cares about having gas for her nice truck and having you pay for it, who apparently can't go to the grocery store without losing track of $20, and who has blatantly lied to you.  Why, on Earth, are you having anying more to do with her at all?  There should be no guilt in thinking badly of another person with a pattern of behavior like that.  It is the equivalent of shifting the burden of proof.  As soon as you catch somebody blatantly lying to you, they must prove to you that they are honest, and not you prove that they are dishonest.  If she's not trustworthy, then don't trust her and don't ever ever let her in your house again, no matter how much she cries and begs you to reconsider.

[wiccawench]

Yup.

If it acts like an ass, smells like an ass and talks like an ass.

Guess what.

It's an ass.

You know what your instinct is telling you.

You have seen the evidence with your own eyes.

So why the denial?

 

Do the right thing ... sometimes the right thing is hard to do. This is where bravery comes in.

Get practiced now before its a question of life and death not just a few $ and some trinkets.

Please. You have seen the responses here as a member of your community if you cannot protect the other older people by your DIRECT experience....... who is going to?

Be brave...... and carry on.

[paland]

I agree with the above few posts.  Dump her.

If you don't now, you are just asking for more grief in the future. And you will have no one to blame but yourself.

[comrade simba]

A junkie will steal your dope and then help you look for it.

You are being taken for a ride... being nice means you get screwed again. Listen, I really can't be harsh enough here to get it through your head except to say you have been warned in no uncertain terms.

[tnbarbara]

Bless your heart, Emeline, you are such a good decent person yourself that it's hard to understand how anyone could be so rotten.  I've been there, done that.  It will not get any better.  Refuse to have anything else to do with her; she's just trying to see how long she can string you along.  Better to close the door now rather than wait until more damage is done...

[Killian]

Like the others.
She's draining your energy.
Fuck it, make the problem go away.

[digger]

Definitely get such a person out of your life. Also, remember if you are too forgiving, she will tell her like-minded friends if you are easy to scam, and maybe even her husband's clients. Worse case, she could hide drugs in your house when the heat gets too close to her husband, or work some scam on you. If you think her husband is a drug dealer, get rid of her quick!

[wiccawench]

Emaline......

wonder if they are on benefits?

if so maybe you can get them "investigated by the department of social welfare?

just a thought.

[ArmaGoof]

I have constantly battled my own strong inclination to trust people at their word and believe in the face value of their integrity.  I often manage from a standpoint of giving people a reputation they have to live up to.  But when evidence is to the contrary and the probability of risk becomes apparent, I've learned to cut my losses and try someone else.  It's sad that people are the way they are and it's even sadder that we have trusted them before their true colors fly in our face.  People, especially adults, are not about to change nefarious behavior just because we give them a "second chance".  Rather, they will milk that second chance all the more to take advantage of you.

Pick another helper and hope for something better.

[kopperhead]

Like the others.
She's draining your energy.
Fuck it, make the problem go away.

+1

had a relative like this. he eventually even swiped my can opener.  some people will take the nickels off a dead man's eye, hon. ya gotta do what ya gotta do.....

[Emeline]

MEA, cygnus, gin, ashmead, Redreamer, simba, paland, barbara, Killian, digger and Armagoof - thank you all very much for taking the time to reply, and you really helped me a lot.  I know I'm not always "nice" on here  but in real life "being nice" is my default and the truth is - sometimes it's just plain stupid and just gets me walked all over.  I need to harden up with people like this.

So...I have proceeded with the complaint.  I've given a statement to her employer where I stuck as much as possible to the bare facts - but the bare facts look pretty damning.  I suspect I have probably kicked over a hornet's nest, ergo, I bet she has been doing this at other places.  The fact she has (supposedly) a clean record means nothing to me.  I know from experience it often means they have just been clever and devious enough to have not yet been caught.

I also rang her and told her straight, "I do not believe you are innocent.  I believe you took the money.  I am proceeding with the complaint.  Do not come near me, my father or our property again".

I'm going to let her employer handle this now but I'm going to be checking to see whether she is still sent out to these elderly/vulnerable people and if she is - I will take it further. 

Meanwhile I have three other options if things escalate.

1. I will make a complaint about the theft to the Police.

2. I suddenly (slaps my forehead) realised that if they do become threatening and invade our place I will just ring the fire brigade.  We have a local fire brigade which my father served in for over 25 years.  He is a life member.  That means 20 able bodied men can turn up at our place in literally 2 - 3 minutes at anytime of the night or day.  They're trained these days for all sorts of emergency situations and I bet they can handle this.  I've spoken to some of them privately and they've all said definitely, absolutely call us if these people try anything.  I was told in no uncertain terms they would be really annoyed if we didn't in fact.  Of course I will also ring the Police if they try anything - but the fire brigade can be there almost immediately to cover in the meantime. 

3. I've also talked to a couple of good friends of mine who are ex-SAS soldiers and now work as security specialists.  They don't live locally, but they've given me lots of advice and a response plan and are very willing to get personally involved if they have to (long story, but I did them some favours in the past when we all  worked for the military - which I did in a civilian capacity - and they are only too keen to repay me). 

But - I suspect (hope) it won't come to that.  I think she might lose her job (and I'm trying not to feel bad about it because I did nothing wrong, SHE DID) but I think the fact I have stood up to them might mean they think  there's nothing to be gained by messing with me any further, that I won't just roll over like I think she expected when she stole the money.  I think they'll cut their losses....but if they don't I'm ready for them.

Anyway thanks again you guys, you've been brilliant.  I'm very grateful and I'm learning some good lessons in this.

[residualheat]

Just read through all the posts - wow, Emeline, what a horrible situation. It sounds like you've done just the right things, though. Hope it all goes okay from here on!

[Mr. Bones]

stop thinking of your unproven fellow man as anything but shit.

Believe it or not, there is still some good in the world.  And while it may be a speck in a sea of shit, it is still there.

Don't let in another unknown person into your world.

How do you make new friends/acquaintances without letting an unknown person into your world?  We're all strangers at some point in time.  Some are wonderful, others are deplorable.  It's a worthy risk, in my opinion.  Though living in the mid-west, it's mostly deplorable hypocrites. 


By the way, congratulations for getting rid of the shyster, Emiline. 

[Killian]

Wow Emeline, a whole fire department... Cool.

I wish I had that kind of support to back me up!