The grandchild from hell!

[Dasha]

Lua, I don't have words for how wrong it was - what happened to you. I'm so sorry for your pain.

[LuaHasFreedom]

I didn't really write it in order to focus on what happened to me many years ago. I wrote it in an effort to get people to realize just exactly what is happening by the "blame the child" syndrome. A three year old doesn't have any control at all over any given situation. They are human beings just like when they get older, and they need to feel some kind of control. If things are happening in their lives that leaves them feeling helpless, they are going to do whatever they need to do to feel some control. That includes obnoxious behavior. It is up to the adult in charge to find out why that child doesn't feel safe or in control, help the child to feel safe and in control, and give the child enough stability in life so that they don't have to act out.

I had my own demon child, as I've described. I also know why she was a demon child. She was born in pain, with an umbilical hernia the size of a pingpong ball. She had surgery at 3 months, immediately followed by a serious car accident that put her older sister in the hospital with burns for months. I almost lost my milk nursing during the month following the accident (the miracle is that I didn't!) and life was just basically nothing but trauma for a long time. Then she started into serious allergies - allergic to everything but human milk for over three years. So, I had to deal with a demon child. I never blamed it on her.  We got through it, and by the time she was five, she was fine. If I had blamed it on her, she would never have been fine.

[mtlouie]

Okay, some kids are just born bad.

Are you joking me??!

NO child is BORN BAD.  They are products of their upbringing.

What on earth?


Lua, I am sorry you had to write about that to instruct ignorant people. 

[rbrgs]

All human behavior is learned. 

There are no bad kids, but there are bad situations, and bad parents.  And I'm agreeing with Lua, so the world must be ending.

[LuaHasFreedom]

Well... yes. ever heard of the Mayan prophecy of the end of the world in 2012? Must be true. What scares me is that rb made me laugh.

[wiccawench]

rbrgs and lua

THANK YOU BOTH

you are both amazing people .... and yes.. you made ME laugh too!~

no child is born bad.... i can't believe everyone doesn't understand that!

[ArmaGoof]

People label other people, and unfortunately it can include children and even newborns, as either good or bad according to their own interpretation of such adjectives as they believe them.  I prefer calling people unique.  That's the flat out truth.  Whatever behaviors and attitudes my five developed made sense to them at the time.  My job was to teach them how others would react and was always careful to define as many different reactions as I could along with the long term consequences.  That included my OWN reaction to their behavior and attitudes. 

[MEA]

I wouldn't say that anyone is born bad, but I wouldn't balm all difficult behavior on the parents either. Some children, due to genes, early enviorment, etc. are harder to parent than others.

An autistic child, for example isn't bad, but the parents certainly aren't responsible for the behaviors that annoy others.

MEA

[Grower]

True. And I've known some asshat kids who turned out rotten despite all the best love and efforts of their parents.

[Bruce]

Love and affection truly have their place. So does a swift hand to the rear. There is a BIG difference between discipline and abuse. Try to work with em' and see if an understanding can be reached, children can be rather hard headed. If not you have to let them know without question that type activity will not be tolerated and has it's consequences. Screw sending them to the room that is where they probably would like to go anyway. Pleading with them and warning over and over again makes you as the adult look FOOLISH. My children grew up knowing they were loved and turned out rather well adjusted. They also knew dad didn't put up with much crap. If it were me he'd go to his room rubbing his butt. I assure you in no time at all his attitude would change............................Bruce

[paracelsus]

I don't like kids but I don't see the point of telling a three-year-old he is mean for shoving his baby sibling. It's not like he is going to realize he is mean and then change. I decided to have animals instead of kids, and when one of them doesn't pay attention to "No" or starts in with one of the other animals, they get squirted with a spray bottle of water. Sometimes I think parents need one of these.

I totally agree with the poster(s) who pointed out that many parents seem to want to have their kids as sort of appliances they don't have to pay attention to except when they feel like it, and they can just go on and do their adult thing. One of the reasons why I decided not to have any kids (besides just not liking them) was because I knew I did not want to spend the time necessary on them (plus I also was just not responsible). I wanted that time for myself. When I see parents who also don't want to spend time on them and had them anyway, I am baffled. It drives me nuts when I see a kid asking, "Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom?" and the parent is just ignoring them, doing whatever, like they don't exist.

[Grower]

Ohhhh, but Paracelsus. When a kid is saying Mom, mom, mom, mom, you have one of two choices. Go mad or ignore it. Or kill him, but that's really not a viable option. Duct tape is also frowned upon.

Or choice 3, nip such behavior when they're little. My parents taught me not to interrupt adults unless It was on fire or a bone was sticking out. But if that doesn't happen, then a mom will ignore that stuff out of sheer self defense and maintenance of sanity.

[Six Gun Jim]

If I would have acted like that at my grandpa and grandma's house when I was three I would have spent the day in the bathtub soaking my sore ass. My father told me a long time ago he didn't raise any boys he raised men and he meant it. Three is old enough to know what no means and get a swatted ass. If you coddle a boy he'll stay a boy all the way through his life. I see that day in and day out, little boys in a man suit. You don't have to beat on him or curse him, my father did neither. He would take my chin and make me look right at him, right in his eyes and say NO. If I went back to what I'd done he was right there with a flip flop shoe to paddle my ass. Mom did the same, we always had fun and did great things but there was ZERO question who was in charge. If a kid has problems of some kind, special problems, okay, different deal. But a lot of the "special problem" kids I grew up with were no such thing. Their parents simply didn't give a shit and let them run wild. That or they DID beat the snot out of them. Patience is a great quality but so is firmness, especially with a boy you don't want to stay a boy for the rest of his life. I feel much sorrier for kids who don't get corrected than those that do. I've thanked my dad many times for having the love to keep me pointed in the right direction.     

[Grower]

Jim, I have teeth in my head today because I learned early on that I was not in charge. Thank God for parents who discipline firmly and consistently.

[Grower]

Hey! Here's another thing I could do at 3. Eat my ice cream cone in the back seat without dripping one drop. Dad had an eagle eye, and if you didn't use proper technique you lost your cone, gazing mournfully with eyes following it out the window!