Anti-Adoption

[MEA]

I'm the adoptive mother of 2; both from overseas. I think this article is more or less crap. There are children who do not fair well in adoptive homes -- various reasons, from the adoptive parents to issues in the children's pre-adoptive lives, but to suggest that all children place for adopted would be better off with their birth parents is about as brillient as saying that since more children are molested by their parents than by strangers, children should be cared for by a rota of strangers.

I whole heartedly believe that my children, much as I love them, would have been better off being with their birth families IF their birth families were in a position to raisse them. Forever reasons, they weren't. Given that, they are better off with me. I have a lot of sympathy for birthparents who greive for their children.

MEA who was told by her younger daughter, just yesterday, "If you were a more organized mother, you could adopt a little sister for me." Not in this life time, sweetie.

[periol]

My brother and his wife were just approved for their adoption of three children from Ghana.  I'm happy for them, because I know they will be good parents and will take care of their kids.  That said, they adopted three children, and it was a very tough process.  The reason?  Because there folks who want to adopt kids in groups of twos, threes, or more so that they can have them for child labor.  Don't think it doesn't happen, it damn sure does and is much more common than you might think.  Sometimes I wonder if adoption should be allowed just because of the potential dangers to the children over time.

[golddust]

I would prefer to adopt than have my own. In fact, I'd prefer to adopt a 2 year old than an infant. And I would take an abandoned child in a heartbeat if I have/had the means to support one or two.

This is my answer too.

[MEA]

Having been there, done that with adopting an almost 2 year old (and having a nephew also adopted at just 2) I'd say, go for it it, but be aware that it's a very diffcult age for a child to make a transition, and be prepared for some of the stages you and the child may go though. And don't be afraid to ask for professional advice -- parenthood doesn't come with prizes for "winging it," though that's what most of us having to do, most of the time.\\


MEA

[ArmaGoof]

I would prefer to adopt than have my own. In fact, I'd prefer to adopt a 2 year old than an infant. And I would take an abandoned child in a heartbeat if I have/had the means to support one or two.

This is my answer too.

I have had the privilege of raising just one child from birth, my only biological child.  I raised two step-children from ages 4 and 6, and acquired two more step-children later in life, but they were 18 and 20 by the time I came along.  One of those still lives with us, now 26 years old.

I'll tell you though, my own daughter was absolutely fascinating to watch develop from infancy.   It amazed me how quickly she learned and developed, literally being able to do things one day she couldn't do the day before - as though she magically acquired the ability over night.  I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  Those first two years are just incredible - the next eight are amazing as well, but the curve flattens out quite a bit.  By the time she reached puberty, I was as confused as she and the teenage years were quite uncertain for both of us.  She's now 19 and has acquired a rational brain somewhere along the way and we are best buds once again.  But if you have the chance to adopt/have a newborn, I would wager you would be thrilled with the over all experience of watching them learn the basic functions of our species.

[Hope@ZeroKelvin]

This article made me sick.  What is their solution?  Leave these kids with their totally POS parents solely based on the genetics?

Good grief.  There is a heck of a lot more to parenting than being a uterus and a sperm donor.  Although you wouldn't guess that these days with all these Baby Mommas and Baby Daddys running around with their pants unzipped.....

And as to kids adopted across racial/cultural lines?  Good on them.  We are ALL human beings and there are basics that transcend race and culture.

As long as a kid has a loving and stable home, who the heck's business is it anyway?

[Pandora]

I have 2 natural and 3 adopted, the biological mother should have been fixed after she gave her first one up.  nuf said

[April]

This article made me sick.  What is their solution?  Leave these kids with their totally POS parents solely based on the genetics?

Good grief.  There is a heck of a lot more to parenting than being a uterus and a sperm donor.  Although you wouldn't guess that these days with all these Baby Mommas and Baby Daddys running around with their pants unzipped.....

And as to kids adopted across racial/cultural lines?  Good on them.  We are ALL human beings and there are basics that transcend race and culture.

As long as a kid has a loving and stable home, who the heck's business is it anyway?

I agree. This article blew me away, but it's not just the article, there is a relatively large movement. It's shocking.

[Jennifer]

From briefly glancing through their site, it appears they are opposed to abortion, too, or at least that anti-abortion-rights people should also oppose adoption (bold printing mine):

"What is A.L.L.’s position on abortion?

     Our members come from so many different cultures, beliefs, and backgrounds that it would be impossible for us to take a position in the abortion debate. However, from a statistical standpoint, dropping adoption rates tend to parallel dropping abortion rates. Therefore, it is pointless for abortion foes to advocate adoption.

     Most importantly, we believe that there is no such thing as a “crisis pregnancy.” A baby-to-be should not be treated like a terminal illness, even if his or her conception was unplanned. The expectant parents should be given the support that they need, and the child should be welcomed into the world in the same way as any other baby."


Um .... so if you get pregnant with a baby you don't want, you shouldn't get an abortion and you shouldn't give the baby up, either? These people are bugshit crazy.

[Sand Dancer]

Many adoptions work out, we applied but sadly were declined as the social workers took objection to the fact that I experimented with driugs at 16 and went to psych after a suicide attempt which was YEARS AGO!!! I can name names . . .

There is also this to consider - adoptive children are unappreciative of their adoptive parents as all they care about are their human rights in finding who their real parents are, even though they may be skag addict junkies or child molestors.

I would just tell them 'your real parents died in a car crash', as the social workers advised. Saves a lot of trouble at the end of the day.

[kathyprepper]

I am the bio mom to 3 boys and adopted mom to 4 girls and gaurdian to one more. Slave labor! Give me a break. My 2 oldest girls had every advantage and went to excellent private colleges. They are dear, dear girls.  My two youngest daughters have special needs. Maybe I should have left the 7 month old with a feeding tube and a seizure disrder, mental retardation and CP with her mom-ooops-couldn't do that. Mom was in the slammer for trying to off her pedophile boyfriend's new main squeeze.
I could have also left the dear little girl with touretts syndrome, OCD and bipolar disorder with her mom if she had not been in a psychiatric hospital. Where do these people get off? I adore my kids and I know 2 of the 4 would be dead without me. Instead they are happy and doing well because we have the means and ability to see they get what they need. 

[Chickengirl]

There is also this to consider - adoptive children are unappreciative of their adoptive parents as all they care about are their human rights in finding who their real parents are, even though they may be skag addict junkies or child molestors.

I would just tell them 'your real parents died in a car crash', as the social workers advised. Saves a lot of trouble at the end of the day.

 

perhaps that^^ had more to do with their refusal than the drug use and the suicide attempt, sand dancer . Showing a complete lack of compassion for someone wanting to find out more about their bio parents would probably indicate to them that there may be other issues that would make you incompatible for adopting.

My dad wanted to find his bio parents, but the laws at the time prevented this. He went as far as he could at that time, but died at the age of 24 so was never able to find them. Was it because he didn't love his parents? didn't appreciate them? hell no - he did love them, very much. He wanted to know why he had been given up, he wanted to know if there were any medical issues in the family (important to him because he had three kids), and he wanted to know if there were other brothers or sisters out there.

At 18 I was able to start looking (as his oldest child I had the best chance of being given access to the records etc now the laws have changed), and I eventually found them, and was able to make contact with his bio mum and sister. They were devasted to find that he had died so long ago, and they hadn't known  but thrilled that there were grandkids/nieces and nephews as well as greatgrand kids on the way. They had been looking for him for so long 

And his adoptive parents? After he died, they didn't give a rats arse about us. They left my mum to fend for herself a widow at 23 with three kids four and under. We haven't heard from them in 25 years. Is that indicative of all adoptive parents? hell no, it is indicative of just THOSE people.

blanket statements about people suck - the only time i've heard of adoptive children i know having a really hard time with their adoptive parents is when they were lied to (i.e not told they were adopted/told their bio parents were dead  ). Some moved through it, some couldn't.

[kathyprepper]

I was always open with my kids about their birth families and let the ones who could visit with their bio families. There were times when my kids probably wished I was not their mom, like when I made them do their homework or said they couldn't go to an unsupervised party but all in all, they knew they were loved. As for not being grateful, who said they should be grateful? Adoption is supposed to be about meeting kid's needs, not my need for gratitude. If you want gratitude, get a dog.

[Max und Moritz]

"Anti-adoption" is one of those oxymorons I don´t grok, like "anti-abortion" or "anti-religion". One either wants to adopt/be adopted himself, or doesn´t, and the law should allow for both instances. What´s there to be "anti" about? It´s not like a universal truth applies to everybody, this is a highly delicate and personal matter everyone should decide for his/herself - and where the most important thing is what´s best for the child.

(There´s a controversial bit of news here about just such an instance - blood father who lost his teenage daughter to wife during divorce, daughter was adopted by stepfather against her will, then stepfather moved abroad with her and her mom, drugged, raped and killed the girl, proof was not 100 percent clear so stepfather walked free, for twenty years the blood father tried unsuccessfully to bring stepdad to justice, and then a few days ago he hired a man who kidnapped the stepdad, brought him in a car trunk across the border to the father´s  country, and dumped him bound and gagged at the stairs of the court building so he could finally be tried.)

[MEA]

Many adoptions work out, we applied but sadly were declined as the social workers took objection to the fact that I experimented with driugs at 16 and went to psych after a suicide attempt which was YEARS AGO!!! I can name names . . .

There is also this to consider - adoptive children are unappreciative of their adoptive parents as all they care about are their human rights in finding who their real parents are, even though they may be skag addict junkies or child molestors.

I would just tell them 'your real parents died in a car crash', as the social workers advised. Saves a lot of trouble at the end of the day.

I would have to have real issue with myself as a parent if I felt rejected bbecause by daughters werer interested in thier roots. Consider this, regarldess of the reasons for making an adoptioon plan, at a bvery basic level, it is an emotional rejection of a child by the person we expect to love them best. TFor a child to try to understand this by seeking information is hardly a rejection of the adotpive parents. As for lying to a child, that's a second betrayal by someone whom they shoulc trust.

Obviously, if there are horrible facts, you don't just drop them on a child at the age of 5.

MEA